


twice as many paths to trouble

by hunka_hulka_burning_fudge



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Bisexual Tony Stark, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Coming Out, Gen, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Obligatory Bisexual Tony Stark Fic since Bi Tony is Semi-Canon now, a bit of Ironstrange, celebrating canon bisexual Tony Stark, implied Steve/Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-27 16:09:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16222607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunka_hulka_burning_fudge/pseuds/hunka_hulka_burning_fudge
Summary: In which Tony Stark creates a dating profile and the world collectively loses its shit.---“What did you do?” Bruce asked as he makes a beeline for the refrigerator. Taking out the ice-cream carton and digging his spoon into it.“Why do you assume I did anything?” Tony grumbled, with his lips around his morning coffee.“Nat told me that you were trending on Twitter. That’s definitely not a good sign.”“Hey! I resent that implication. All I did was sign up on a dating site.” Tony pouted..





	twice as many paths to trouble

**Author's Note:**

> I heard that Tony is[ semi-canonically bisexual ](http://virgotonystark.tumblr.com/post/178698857265/and-gents-when-will-marvel-just-come-out-and)now and I'm thriving!! So, obviously I needed to write a fic to translate it into MCU canon. 
> 
> Unbeta-ed and written in like an hour and half. So, any mistakes are mine alone.
> 
> If you liked it, please leave a comment!

“What did you do?” Bruce asked as he makes a beeline for the refrigerator. Taking out the ice-cream carton and digging his spoon into it. “You know that Pepper will kill you, right?”

“I am offended.” Tony grumbled, with his lips around his morning coffee. “Why do you assume I did anything?”

“Nat told me that you were trending on Twitter. That’s definitely not a good sign.”

“Hey! I resent that implication. All I did was sign up on a dating site. Uh, Pepper is dating again.” Tony pouted. “I couldn’t be all by my lonesome again. Is it too much to want a little companionship?”

Bruce looked sceptical. “That cannot be it. You must have done something outrageous.” He jabbed an accusing spoonful of ice-cream at Tony. “Don’t tell me you uploaded your naked paparazzi photos from ’08.”

“I didn’t–”

“Or said that you were interested in orgies–”

Tony scoffed, “That would be possibly tame by my standards.”

“I knew it! You listed _World Domination_ as your hobby, didn’t you?”

 Tony swallowed his coffee. “Firstly, I am pretty sure the world knows how to take a joke–”

“Not when the media is in a frenzy.” Bruce argued. “Tony, you know they are itching to put the blame on the Avengers; not to mention the crazy conspiracy theories on the internet–”

“–Secondly, I didn’t even do that. And I can’t really do anything about the crazies on the net claiming that I am a part of super-secret Illuminati club or that I have been replaced by a clone or–”

“He came out” declared Nat, who entered the room along with Sam. They made their way to the kitchenette. “He is the only one crazy enough to do it with opening his dating profile to both men and women, instead of calling a press conference like a sane person.”

"Great, now there are twice as many paths to trouble for Tony Stark." Sam sat down grumbling. “Aww, man!  Now I owe Vision money.”

Bruce grinned, “You bet against Vision? Bad move. You _do_ realise that he is an android with the Mind Stone literally embedded in his head, right? He can calculate the outcome of a chaotic system with an astonishing amount of accuracy.”

“Technically, I was never in the closet.” Tony huffed. “It’s not my fault that people just assumed that I’m straight.”

“That’s it?” Bruce asked. “That’s the big news? That’s why he’s trending?”

“What did Tony do now?” a fifth voice enquired, sounding tired.

“Honeybear!” Tony exclaimed. “Nat is being mean to me.”

“Natasha, stop being mean to Tony or else I’ll have to kick your ass.” Rhodey intoned. “And I am too tired from Physio to kick your ass. Also, no more coffee for you, Tony.” He plucked the black-tar resembling coffee from Tony’s hands, and replaced it with a glass of water. “I’m pretty sure you have more coffee and alcohol in your veins than blood. You aren’t getting any younger, you know. It wouldn’t kill you to eat healthy.”

“Yes, dear.” Tony sing-songed. He dutifully drank the glass of water. Seeing the beaded sweat on Rhodey’s forehead and his frown, Tony pressed his fingers to Rhodey’s wrist and murmured in a lower tone, “You alright? Physio went okay?”

Rhodey nodded back in reassurance. “Yeah, it went fine.”

They turned to see two pairs of curious eyes staring back at them. Bruce was concentrating on his ice-cream. But, Nat and Sam were looking at them weirdly, albeit a bit expectantly.

 “What?” Rhodey asked, befuddled.

A silence. Then, Sam replied, “Er… Now that Tony is out and proud, maybe we should change the bet to who will come out next among the Avengers?”

Another minute of pointed silence, and Tony laughed, “Guys, _really_? You don’t think that I would have already married Rhodey if there was even a single gay bone in his body?”

“I _am_ practically married to you.” Rhodey replied. “Except I don’t get laid.”

“Well, not because of _my_ lack of trying,” Tony groused.  “The fact that you are straight is the single biggest tragedy of my life!”

“Strange.” Bruce declared, joining the conversation now that he finished his ice-cream.

“What’s strange?” Nat asked.

“No, I meant the next Avenger who will come out–” Bruce nodded at Sam, “–it will be Strange. Doctor Strange.”

“Really?” Tony asked, his interest piqued.  He shrugged. “I don’t know… He doesn’t really give out a gay vibe.”

“The red cloak, the single streak of grey in his hair, the high collar, the hundred belts, the magically moving single lock of hair screams _heterosexuality_ to you?” Bruce deadpanned.

“He’s a wizard!” Tony protested. “Cloaks and magic and being dramatic is their livelihood!”

Bruce stared at him as if he had suddenly grown another head. “Tony… He winked at you. In the middle of a battle. When aliens were threatening to take over Earth. When literal apocalypse was knocking at our door!”

Tony opened as closed his mouth a few times. “You think he’s gay? Or bi? Or pan? Or whatever.”

“Yeah, I do–”

“–I think he had an ex-girlfriend, so he’s probably straight. But, then again, so did I. And I’m bi. He could very easily be bi or pan... Not that I care. It isn’t as if I would date him. It would be too weird, right? I mean, sure he is pretty witty, and seems to be a genius. I mean, definitely not your level of genius or my level of genius, but he’s not dumb. He was one of the foremost neurosurgeons in the country. Did you know that?” Tony asked, but then continued without waiting for an answer. “Not to mention, he could hold his own against the fight with Thanos, you know. It would almost be impressive, if he didn’t call what is obviously some highly advanced levels of science as magic. Also, he isn’t terrible face-wise, you know. Though, I am pretty sure he copied my beard. Huh.” Tony seems to come to a realisation. “Huh. Is that narcissistic? That I find it kind of hot? Not him specifically, you know. It’s more of a general hotness. I mean, I have eyes, right? I can easily tell if something is objectively hot or not–”

“Oh my god.” Rhodey groaned. “How is this worse than your college years?”

“Technically, Strange isn’t an Avenger.” Sam told Bruce. “So, I don’t think we can include him in the bet–”

“Great. _Now_ , you want to follow technicalities and rules!” Bruce complained.

“Hey–”

“I’d put my money on Thor.” Nat chimed in. “He is literally an alien! I’m pretty sure he’d be more fluid with his sexuality.”

“Also, if there is even _a_ _speck_ _of truth_ in all the legends and myths, those Asgardians are freaky _freaky_ people.” Sam added. “What about you?” He asked Tony and Rhodey. “Who do you think is gonna follow next?”

Without missing a beat, Rhodey and Tony chorused, “Steve.”

“Steve?” Nat asked, dubiously; while Bruce and Sam nodded sagely.

“He was so repressed that he went to war for it.” Tony replied with a wry grin. “Hopefully, _now_ he wouldn’t be worrying that he will fuck up the all-american heroic ideal if he were to come out.”

“Not to mention, if I have to see him make googly eyes at Barnes once more, I’ll have to use B.A.R.F to erase my memories.” Rhodey added.

“Hey! Be thankful that you didn’t ever have to witness their ‘sparring sessions’.” Sam retorted.

“You know that _almost_ makes me glad that I can hole up inside the lab.” Bruce replied. “The only downside is that I have to deal with Tony.”

“Hey! I resent–” Tony’s tirade was interrupted by two quick chimes from his phone. “Huh.” And then abandoned his tirade and stared at his phone dumbfounded.

“What is it?” Nat asked, curious.

“Er, I guess Bruce was right.” Tony turns his phone screen towards them. There are two messages on his dating app. The first one was from Strange. It included just an emoji – “ ;) ”. The cocky jerk! Who just did smug shit like that? More importantly, why was Tony’s brain malfunctioning like it is running on Windows 10? Rhodey took his phone from him and then proceeded to smile knowingly.

Bruce laughed, “I told you it wasn’t a heterosexual wink. Sam, I guess you just have to pay up–”

“Okay, firstly, the dude isn’t even an Avenger–” Sam argued.

“– Really?”

“Secondly, the wager wasn’t even formalised and–”

“Guys, I think we might soon have bigger problems than this stupid bet.” Rhodey said, pointing at something in the phone. Tony looked over his shoulder and squeaked.

“What is it?” Nat asked.

“Er… If–if there is a second superhero civil war, how many of you guys would be on my side?” Tony asked. “Steve might _really_ kill me this time.”

He projected the phone screen onto the air and showed the other message he had got. It was from Bucky Barnes: “Hi. Would you like to get some coffee sometime?”

 

They all chorused. “Oh shit.”

 


End file.
